I was watching The History Channel the other day, and they were airing a show which was about the ancient cities of the world, that somehow lost their glory and got buried under modern ones. Man, as nosy as ever, can’t resist a good opportunity to dig into the Earth, go back in Time, and find some remarkable information about his forefathers. The show went on to illustrate the city planning, the trade, wars fought and general life, followed by the inevitable downfall in the hands of a more powerful enemy. This isn’t the only case, the concept of a jacuzzi was invented by the Romans, the Phoenicians discovered glass and put forth the concept of apartments, and Egyptians horrified us all with incest. This had me thinking, a few centuries down the line, what will be left of our civilization? After pondering over it, instead of studying, I made a list that might give us some answers.
1. Food
People of Those Days (PTD) indulged in meats, (unless they belonged to a certain class called vegetarians, vegans or dead), vegetables, and a variety of sweets. Given their fast paced life, they also favoured fast foods, a pitiful meal which consisted of stale potatoes fried in reused oil, a meat patty between 2 depressed slices of bread and supplemented it with liquefied carbon dioxide. Point to be noted, the products often had a long shelf life, made possible by added liberal amounts of chemicals. PTD, like many people before them, also had wine and beer. The longer you sniffed and swirled your wine glass was an indication of how big a snob you were. In certain restaurants, the larger the servings, the higher they were priced. Some nations relied heavily on imports form other countries. Many experts, (including your’s truly of those days), compare it to the Marie Antoinette scenario. However, no official complaint regarding the lack of Beluga caviar has been registered from the 3rd World countries.
2. Clothing
Western Clothing
PTD of the Warmer regions (East) were often forced to wear covering clothes as per restrictions of religions or oppressive governments. However, the West, being less conservative, wore minimal ‘namesake’ clothing. In an attempt to cultivate maturity in female children, special dresses with motivational prints were made. One such popular catch-phrase was ‘Sperm Dumpster‘.
3. Shelter
PTD in Slumber
PTD were highly adaptable. While some lived on park benches or slept on discarded newspapers, the upper class preferred settlements in well-to-do neighbourhoods. Being social animals, PTD lived with friends, family, lovers or pets. The rash youth would (in a state of drunkenness) often bring home a girl, spend the night with her and have no recollection of his doings. The girl may or may not be paid the next day.
4. People
(L) First Life, (R) Same, Second Life minus one.
Like many others before them, PTD had their own class differentiation. Some were wealthy, some were poor. Some had a large circle of friends while the rest would never leave their homes for days at end, devoting their time to computer games or worshipping Star Wars. They also lived in a parallel universe called Second Life where members could be rich, famous, and good-looking, without necessarily being so in the First Life. Sports figures and high level escorts (also known as singers) were idolized and their doings were heavily chronicled. They were also known for their fetish for expensive clothes, some of which never managed to stay on. PTD were also environmentally conscious, the rich often jetting all the way from on end of the world to another and back to raise awareness. Those in the technology field were far better role-models, but this was neither proved nor practiced.
5. Entertainment
One of the Many Entertainment Machines
Entertainment professionals, also called movie stars or George Bush were sources of hilarity and objects of ridicule. They often cost more than it took to run an entire nation, and occupied more print space in various publications too. PTD also took a strange interest in watching videos of people making love. A more passive way of catering to the needs of the public was brought about in a magazine with the symbol of a Bunny. Others had special devices called X Boxes or PlayStations that gave you the 4 S-es: speed, strength, snipers, and sex-appeal for as long as you were playing the game.
6. Diseases
A Disease in Action
Alas! The preservatives in their foods did little to preserve their innards. Given their penchant for fried foods, many people were at the receiving end of jokes, brought about by obesity. Terms such as ‘Fatty’ were known to turn people into delinquents. Another bane to their existence were a vile species collectively called ‘Hippies’. Such is their fatality in numbers that thousands of desperate citizens petitioned to sanction their presence as punishable by death, to no avail.
And there you have it, that’s probably how we shall be perceived a few centuries hence.
